Clean Jokes

In times of adversity, we have to remember to count our blessings, and yes, laugh.  With the acknowledgement of so many that are suffering during these quarantine times, we can still laugh in the face of trials at the simple things…

Irony or jokes, depending on how you look at it…

Never in my wildest of wild dreams did I ever think I would go up to a bank teller and request money with a mask on.

They said that a mask and gloves were enough to go to the supermarket. They lied, everyone else has clothes on.

People with a cold – “I just want to stay in bed and do nothing, I feel terrible.”

People with Corona Virus – “I feel terrible, I think I will go skiing in Austria, visit the Eiffel Tower and maybe do some white water rafting in Camino de Santiago.”

Day 3 without sports. Found a lady sitting on my couch yesterday. Apparently, she is my wife. She seems nice.

2020 is a unique leap year. It has 29 days in February, 300 days in March, and ten years in April.

Don’t you know God laughs at us sometimes? ………
A man was admiring the mountains around him one day when he asked aloud, “God, did you really make all of this? Are you really out there?”

To his great surprise, God answered, “Yes, I did.”

The man was so astonished that God was speaking to him that the only thing he could think to ask God was about time. “God,” he said, “what is 10 million years like to you?”

God replied in a measure that the man could understand. “It’s about like a minute.”

The man was amazed. He then asked God, “I bet money is nothing to you. What’s 10 million dollars like to you?”

God replied, “it’s about like a penny.”

Seeing an opportunity here, the man quickly began to ask God, “would you please bless me with a penny?” God replied, “Sure! Let me get it. I’ll be back in a minute.”

A Frog walked into a bank and up to the desk in front of the Manager’s Office. A young woman was sitting at the desk with a nameplate that read ‘Patricia Whack’. “Hello, Ms. Whack, I would like to take out a loan,” said the frog. Ms. Whack was understandably surprised at the frog talking, but answered politely, “Okay, I would be glad to help you. We will have to fill out some paperwork, and then I can talk to my manager. Can you give me your name, please?”

The frog hopped up on Ms. Whack’s desk and explained, “Well, I really don’t have a name, but my father is Mick Jagger.” Ms. Whack was again quite surprised, but continued, “Okay, I’ll write that down. Do you have any type of collateral for a loan?”

“Why, yes, I do,” said the frog and pulled a rock from behind his back and laid it on the desk in front of Patricia Whack. She picked up the rock and looked it over very carefully. Not seeing anything special about the rock, she stood and said, “I will go and talk to my manager now. I will be right back.”

Walking into her manager’s office, Patricia Whack walked up to his desk and laid the rock in front of him. “I have a frog sitting on my desk that wants a loan. He is quite polite, however, this is the only collateral he has; it looks just like a rock to me. He also doesn’t have a name, but says that his father is Mick Jagger. I don’t know how to tell him that this is crazy.”

The bank manager picked up the rock and turned it over in his hand. He laid it down on his desk on top of some papers, and said (get ready . . . )

“It’s a knick-knack, Patti Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man is a Rolling Stone.”